thy will be done

May 15, 2008

april 14 marks the defining moment in my life, at least in the spiritual arena. 

friday last week, i thought my life’s going to crash after the quite-expected sickness that sent all my weekend plans to rubbish bin. (and i hate it when my schedule is torn into pieces). 

i thought wrong.  

it was a different kind of flu (not the one from birds). it was accompanied by unbearable pain throughout my left eye socket. i couldn’t stand up. 

fortunately, i was at my parent’s place.
unfortunately, i was at my parent’s place.

the long forgotten (though sorely missed) caring hands of my yanan brushed my forehead once again (when was the last time i felt that feeling of being protected? aaaahhh…it was like paradise…).

why was i in GraPa1403, to begin with? i was supposed to help my yanan to clean up the house in time for their impending departure–total desertion of the place, that is. 

but, boom! i was confined in my nearly-shabby bed (but still loooovin’ it); not knowing i was in for the whole weekend.

the following day, i woke up in the sound of my mom’s voice. was she delivering a monologue? i listened as she enumerated the whole litany of her complaints against me.  in good health, she couldn’t  pin me down. i was everywhere. but if in bad shape, i would always end up in foetal curl–listless, useless–in her arms.

unfair, she exclaimed.

i couldn’t blame her.  the truth shone brighter than the morning sun. but i really wanted to help out. that was the reason i went back home. unfortunately, my health failed me–failed us, rather. 

mother’s day came. i planned to take her and lola out. but my left eye socket showed no sign of compassion. the area throbbed exponentially by the minute. then, divine intervention arrived (ala deus ex machina). by noon, the pain started to become bearable. gathering my strength, i asked them, "kain tayo sa labas?" my yanan quipped, "di ka pa nga naliligo, eh." 

who cares? nobody would know (not until now).

tons of water and cologne later…i finally convinced them. i told them i also had to go to cainta for our induction as new members of the lectors and commentators ministry. i was still sick. probably, i was just propelled by my adrenalin peppered with guilt (for being useless) and my commitment to the ministry (naks!).

i couldn’t think straight. but my brother kept on asking me where we were heading to. i said to tiendesitas. i had to be at the church by 5:30pm din. off we went to tiendesitas.  

we ate at mario’s kitchen. i realized i haven’t been to that place. nice…nice…nice…quiet…not a lot of families inside…great!

then we went directly to cainta. i needed to pick-up my uniform. on the way, rainshower started to fall. and by the time we reached cainta, the rain was in full blast. my nose started to clog and my left eye socket (again) started to sting under the rain (pun intended).

i thought i couldn’t make it.

lo and behold, the Lord’s will prevailed.

when i went back home, after the induction, i caught everyone running like chickens out of the fence. the body temperature of my youngest nephew, who just got out of the hospital, soared to unprecedented high (like dowjones/nikkei). he was rushed to the hospital. and, on the next day, he was admitted, again.

(sickness update: my recovery early this week wasn’t consistent. i just had to force my weak self because there were a lot of pending works–due before this week ends) 

we all thought that i would carry the sickness intended for him. but life works in mysterious ways–often, far from our comprehension. 

then, the silverlining started to materialize on the horizon.

tuesday morning, the kids were invited to their lola’s (mom side) house to stay until the end of the week. good news for me. my mom and lola had to go back to caloocan to finish the clearing. my sis-in-law and a helper will stay at the hospital. that means, i’ll be alone in the house (to work peacefully). 

tuesday evening, while i was alone in robinsons galleria buying groceries, i received a message from sis. lanie. she needed my help as a member of LCM. i’d be the reader for the 6am mass.

i woke up early–4am. had a looooong bath (went out of the bathroom at 530am). then, i went to the church. it was like a scene in tanging yaman–early morning in the church, birds chirped in the background, and sun’s rays seeped through the unfinished upper walls…

the parish priest congratulated me (though with some comments…)

i went back home, feeling so independent, and finished all my tasks–word power session, exercise, cooked meals (via microwave), reviewed scripts, replied to emails, announced meeting for h.e.r.e., finished my church reports (maccabees and a bible verse), and watched american idol. 

then at 7pm, i had my fastfood fix delivered. at 8pm it arrived. i had to satisfy myself with two lozenges. then off i went to our regular church meeting. 

i led the prayer. (sis. christy commented that it was a wonderful one)

i reported my chosen bible passage (presented through a self-made bookmark; mine was circle). they applauded! ahahhaha!

i was asked to read a sample of the second reading…

i reported my research on the first book of maccabees (they  were impressed of how prepared i was; with all of the props)…

why so happy? because i think they think that i was not committed to the ministry and that i was just playing around. i hope with my "performance," i proved them wrong.

but more challenges are yet to come.

so, there…how many times i’ve heard, "fear not…" ? still, i let it hound me.  how many times had i surpassed so many great trials? still, i doubt. 

may this be a reminder that in every ounce of fear, there’s a pound of strength (He provides).

i end by quoting the passage right  in the middle of the bible, Ps. 118:8, "It’s better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in men." 

*sparkles!