"take her to the sea, (mr. murdoch)"

(updated)

on april 1st, i officially took over as helping every child for the right to education’s (h.e.r.e.) project director. whatever they say, i would like to believe it was an auspicious day. although there was no formal turnover of duties and responsibilities, the leadership belt is now with me.

now, more than ever, i am starting to grasp the enormity of the tasks as the ship’s captain.

i am blinded and paralyzed by fear of  what’s gonna happen in the vast ocean. i have a big shoe to fill. my predecessors did great jobs. they were able to call on the orders allowing us to weather some of the most ferocious storms. (my hat’s off to them.) their unwavering leadership and the magnanimity of those people who were in the ship helped the organization to sail through. after my predecessor has proclaimed, “take her to the sea,” i was left wondering, “where do i want it to go?” the options buoy in front me. i could drop the anchor and let h.e.r.e. rest for a while after three years of successful voyage. after all, the usual faces aren’t present anymore. Or i could grab the steering wheel and let it sail to places it has never seen before.

now, more than ever, i am starting to realize that the century-old adage, “a good leader is a great follower,” is true that i can taste every word of it. 

i have had the privilege to work with some of my generation’s prolific leaders, whose wit and wisdom pierced the human heart. at times, i’d been critical of how these people led their (respective) teams. but now that i am leading my own team, how will i fair? will i be at par with them? 

this is an acid test of the lessons i’ve learned in the past. am i really a leader? or i’m better off as a follower? will i be able to make things happen? or will i make things worse?

fear envelops me every time i think of the gargantuan tasks ahead of me. but every time i think of those who will benefit from what we are (and will be) doing, the cloud of fear disappears. the “thank you messages” we are receiving from our scholars are like  chants of the lost tribes, which have the power to ward off the evil spirits.

certainly, i have too many questions and huge amount of doubts. but the time continues to tick. i can’t afford to (continuously) ask because a minute is crucial–and every moment lost is every opportunity resigned to oblivion.

days before the new school year formally begins, we are still in dire need of additional donors who are willing to send kids by giving P100/month (in 10 months). i don’t know who are the willing souls. but i know, they are just around the corner waiting to be discovered.

why am i so scared? i don’t know the answer, really. why don’t i just face the challenge and believe that everything will be fine.

…so let it be written, so let it be done.
 

*sparkles