it’s only now.

February 26, 2007

for more than a decade i thought the cause of his death was anaesthesia overdose. 

not until tonight.

i finally heard the true story right from the mouth of his mom. (ironically, we were at a wake)

ryan uriel tioco (b. 1984 * d. dec. 27,1991) is my former classmate back when i was in the first grade.

it was a glorious yet normal morning. at exactly 07:15 in the morning, the bell rang. everyone had to proceed to their respective classes. 

as a first grader, i wasn't much interested as to who were absent on that day; and why.  as the first class was about to end, i started to become curious: why, my seatmate since the 1st day of class, was still absent for the longest time?

never did it occur to me the inquiry would be answered. 

ryan tioco passed away that day.

to say that i was surprised was an understatement. i was surprised not because of the death.

i was more surprised because there was a question looming in my mind: are kids allowed to die at that age?

stories of how and why he died started to pass from one parent's mouth to another.

what i got was this: ryan+ was riding his bike when a tricycle accidentally hit him. he was brought to the hospital. the doctors injected him with anaesthesia for them to immediately proceed with the surgery. after that, he didn't wake up.

a seemingly incoherent series of event but that was i thought it was.

as a kid who was unmindful of the world, i felt something missing especially every day that i sat beside an empty chair.

one could see the sadness from the faces of my classmates and our teachers.

years have passed.

we lived our respective lives.

i placed the story in the attic of my memory.

not until i had a dream probably december of last year.

it was about him. i totally forgot the details of that dream. but i'm positive he was in it.

i couldn't forget that when i woke up, i immediately texted miguel to ask for tioco's full name (when we were in grade school, we're used to call each other by surname).

i later learned that december is his death month.

when i was invited to judge this school year's literary musicale, ryan's mother was seated just two chairs away from me. as God is my witness, i wanted to talk to her. i wanted to ask her about her child. but as judges, we were forbidden to talk to anyone especially to parents.

it was tonight that our path would meet again. 

then, i had the opportunity to ask the question. and she told the story.

her mother found a cyst on ryan's right arm (bicep area). she scheduled him for an operation.

dec. 19, 1991 - (christmas party) ryan didn't attend. he was still in the hospital.

(i'm quite confused with the order…)

days after his operation, he was already out of the hospital, ryan felt discomfort. 

he was brought to manila doctor's hospital.  

the doctors found out that his body responded negatively with the anaesthesis that was injected to him during operation (i guess this is the simplest way of explaining it) 

there's this medicine that's only available in clark. unfortunately, operations in clark air base at that time were shut down.

they had to wait for ryan's lola, who would be flying in from the US, to bring the required medicine.

ryan couldn't wait any longer.his young body couldn't fight the battle.

he passed away on dec. 27, 1991 at a young age of 7 years old. 

up until now, 16 years later, her mother revealed, ryan manages to let them feel of his presence.  

(i'm experiencing goosebumps now…)

i've finally heard it.

i offer this journal and my prayers to the reposed soul of my former classmate and friend, ryan uriel tioco.

i know he is, even then, at peace with God the father.