bowing out for the vow

February 6, 2007

marriage.

more than an event, it's a lifetime commitment–at least for the roman catholics.

as we advance to a more digitized world, this sacred vow has become more of a burden, a threat, and a commercial thing than an eternal promise between two people entwined by this so-called, love. 

years ago, i left a group of people who believes in this magical celebration of love.

 

this once treasured moment has become a theatrical show, where families showcase the power of their financial back-ups. the thicker your parents' check account, the more expensive it gets.

so, the concept of having a marriage is stripped-off of its sanctity.

call me traditional, but that's how i look at it now.

more than that, it's because of a tragic thing i personally experienced with it.

don't fret, i haven't been married yet.

when my eldest brother–my best friend (or so i blindly claim)–was married to my first-ever sis-in-law, ate farida.

i love them so much.

for someone who doesn't have a sister, she was my benchmark of how a sister should be.

along with them, i was hands-on with their wedding.

actually, even when they were dating, i was part of it. so, call me the "third party."

when they were planning their wedding, it was i who was with them (except for the payment of bills).

i planned with them.  chose wedding songs with them. i even volunteered my friends to them — to sing on their wedding and to finish the wedding favors.

i guess, my brother and his estranged wife were my first-ever client. 

it was my o.j.t. for the field of events management. 

though i was not the best man (it was my second brother–for the reason of seniority), my happiness still soared high.

when they finally said their vows, mixed emotions stirred within me.

i'm letting go of my best friend. but at the same time, i'm  welcoming a sister to our family. a momentous event for an unmindful senior high school student.

our house in cainta was not yet built. that's why, for the meantime, the newly-wed couple lived with us in our  legendary (and ancestral) house in caloocan.

the first days were smooth sailing.

then, arguments between them started to echo within the four corners of our home. it then developed to altercations. bad words went flying everywhere. then, items started to shatter. along with those things, my ideals of marriage begad to break into pieces. but, i consoled myself, problems were perfectly normal. 

i think it was the reason, at some point in my life, why i feared closing my eyes at night. i will just wait for the clock to strike 12midnight.

i was anticipating (with so much fear) that another fight would erupt.

i hated those sleepless nights of my life.

when they were still waiting for god's gift to arrive, my sis-in-law brought to our house one of her nieces.

the girl, who i taught to love my fave song of all time, i turn to you, was a gift to us especially to me. even if she's not linked to me by blood, i took care of her. 

one night, in the middle of  their yet another heated argument, which started to become a staple in bewitching hours, something shattered. it was the window. every one who lived two or three houses away from us heard not the shattering window but the wail of an innocent child who was awakened by her tito's and tita's voices.

i ran to their room to save the kid. she was all in my mind.

i scooped her out of the bed and brought  her to mine.

i saw the fear burning in her eyes. she couldn't conceal it.

i hugged her tighly in my arms. it took time before i was able to pacify her.

i guessed it was because she could hear the cry of her tita. 

when  the child stopped crying, i ran outside to salvage my sis-in-law.

i didn't care if my brother would punch me to death. let death be the end of it all, i  thought. 

when they were safe inside my room i went out to get them some water. (my parents and my lola were pacifying my brother in the living room).

my sis-in-law asked my tatay to hail a cab. she wanted to go to her parental house. she wanted to take the child with her to safety.

when they left, i tears poured out my eyes continuously. i thought i was going to die of dehydration.  while crying, it was then i wrote a letter to my brother; telling him how disappointed i was to him. then i went to sleep.

the next day, i found a printed letter placed on the altar.

i started crying again.

basically, that went on as we all tried to help to save their marriage.

when my sis-in-law finally got pregnant, i thought everything would go the positive path. i was wrong.

when the day of her labor arrived, i waited anxiously at home. i prayed. thanking god for this gift. i thought, this would be the answer to our prayers…that peace would finally envelop the two.

it was in the silence of the night when my lola revealed the news to me. (i slept in their room)

their first baby died.

my world was shattered.

an incorrigible optimist that i am, i didn't let that unfortunate event to kill my hopes.

instead, i wrote a letter to my sis-in-law. telling her to be strong.

i gave the letter when she arrived home.

she cried. i didn't. i just let her feel the sympathy, the love, and the support that emanated from my hug. 

i told her maybe it wasn't the time. maybe god wanted them to flaten out their rocky marriage.

another good news arrived.

for the second time, my sister was pregnant.

happiness started to abound in our abode again.

finally, she delivered a healthy baby girl. she was named Ridge Pauline (the first one would have been Mary Erin+)

unfortunately though, my brother and sis-in-law, went separate ways.

sorry, i had to cut the long story. but of course, they tried, we prayed and helped, and i begged (for a divine intervention) for them to save the marriage.

but just like anything else, it come to its tragic and ill-fated end.

god knew how devastated i was.

i knew how difficult it was for my parents and to my lola.  they were just putting up a facade as if it were okay. but, whatever veil they used, the truth shone through. 

and for goodness shake, why i'm sharing this with you?

people…it's not all about the celebration… it's keeping the vow you said to your partner in front of the divine. keep your life simple.

my second brother got married too. it was a civil one, though.

but i've never heard them fight. sure, there were problems they encountered, but those were kept in the privacy of their lives. 

before my second brother and his wife transferred to cainta, i have never heard them fight. oh sorry, once pala. but that's it. 

now, they're blessed with four lovely kids, whom i adore so much.

definitely, it's not the elaborate gowns, the most expensive suit, the fanciest jewelry, or the most number of primary sponsors.

it's about the love the binds the two person together.

in the final analysis, the story of your love will not be judged by how grandiose your wedding was.

it will be based on how you managed to keep the love alive and ablazed throughout the years.

it's not the money that you both have, but did you stick with each other for richer or poorer?

it's not the figure that you both managed to maintain as a result of staying in the gym, but did you take care of each other in sickness and in health?

ultimately, will you be with each other 'till death do you part?

*sparkles!