rebel?

oh, no, not me.

i was cleaning up the sent folder of my yahoo account, and look what i've found in the rubbles…

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it’s only now.

for more than a decade i thought the cause of his death was anaesthesia overdose. 

not until tonight.

i finally heard the true story right from the mouth of his mom. (ironically, we were at a wake)

ryan uriel tioco (b. 1984 * d. dec. 27,1991) is my former classmate back when i was in the first grade.

it was a glorious yet normal morning. at exactly 07:15 in the morning, the bell rang. everyone had to proceed to their respective classes. 

as a first grader, i wasn't much interested as to who were absent on that day; and why.  as the first class was about to end, i started to become curious: why, my seatmate since the 1st day of class, was still absent for the longest time?

never did it occur to me the inquiry would be answered. 

ryan tioco passed away that day.

to say that i was surprised was an understatement. i was surprised not because of the death.

i was more surprised because there was a question looming in my mind: are kids allowed to die at that age?

stories of how and why he died started to pass from one parent's mouth to another.

what i got was this: ryan+ was riding his bike when a tricycle accidentally hit him. he was brought to the hospital. the doctors injected him with anaesthesia for them to immediately proceed with the surgery. after that, he didn't wake up.

a seemingly incoherent series of event but that was i thought it was.

as a kid who was unmindful of the world, i felt something missing especially every day that i sat beside an empty chair.

one could see the sadness from the faces of my classmates and our teachers.

years have passed.

we lived our respective lives.

i placed the story in the attic of my memory.

not until i had a dream probably december of last year.

it was about him. i totally forgot the details of that dream. but i'm positive he was in it.

i couldn't forget that when i woke up, i immediately texted miguel to ask for tioco's full name (when we were in grade school, we're used to call each other by surname).

i later learned that december is his death month.

when i was invited to judge this school year's literary musicale, ryan's mother was seated just two chairs away from me. as God is my witness, i wanted to talk to her. i wanted to ask her about her child. but as judges, we were forbidden to talk to anyone especially to parents.

it was tonight that our path would meet again. 

then, i had the opportunity to ask the question. and she told the story.

her mother found a cyst on ryan's right arm (bicep area). she scheduled him for an operation.

dec. 19, 1991 - (christmas party) ryan didn't attend. he was still in the hospital.

(i'm quite confused with the order…)

days after his operation, he was already out of the hospital, ryan felt discomfort. 

he was brought to manila doctor's hospital.  

the doctors found out that his body responded negatively with the anaesthesis that was injected to him during operation (i guess this is the simplest way of explaining it) 

there's this medicine that's only available in clark. unfortunately, operations in clark air base at that time were shut down.

they had to wait for ryan's lola, who would be flying in from the US, to bring the required medicine.

ryan couldn't wait any longer.his young body couldn't fight the battle.

he passed away on dec. 27, 1991 at a young age of 7 years old. 

up until now, 16 years later, her mother revealed, ryan manages to let them feel of his presence.  

(i'm experiencing goosebumps now…)

i've finally heard it.

i offer this journal and my prayers to the reposed soul of my former classmate and friend, ryan uriel tioco.

i know he is, even then, at peace with God the father.

independent filmmaker? read on.

college student?

filmmaker?

independent?

if you answer, "YES" to ALL of the questions above , then, join the 4th Annual Indie Un-FIlm Festival spearheaded by DLSU-Manila's most innovative production group–The Green Media Group.   For more information, STUDY every inch of the on-line flyer below.

i don't know if this will be of much help.

i permitted ONLY two people whom i know to access this journal. they are the ONLY two to whom i gave the address of  this journal

apparently, based from the "most popular," there are people who stumble upon this site. that's why i hope, there will be college students (who happen to be independent filmmakers) who will read this ad and will join this exciting competition.

*sparkles! 

the bachelor

i'm starting to be indifferent to him. no! it's better to hate him. at least, the latter is still recognizable by the human heart. 

not because he's always in the cave but because he's spending the precious time and his brilliant mind to nothing. he's becoming of a hermit than a productive citizen.

i once admired him…hmmm. well, the admiration is still there. 

but i guess, i admire the person that he was before. when all of us were grinding our teeth and toes to finish schooling.

he was once the majestic guy on top of the mountain.

what has happened to him? where did his brilliant mind bring him?

have mercy, Lord. bring forth to him a reason that will keep him back in the running again…back in the world where he can harness his potential.

i know he can still make it. nothing is too late. 

let me be of help…

*sparkles! 

and so he is.

the overwhelmingly desire of people to keep their privacy has been one of those obstacles to exposing their dirty laundries, even if it means freedom.

john amaechi, former nba superstar just did the unthinkable.

revealing that he's gay.

in a league where the highest currency is masculinity, this move is, expectedly, received in varying degrees. 

words from amaechi (got from espn magazine): "the nba locker room was the most flambouyant palce i've ever been. guys flaunted their perfect bodies. they  bragged about sexual exploits. they primped in front of the mirror, applying cologne and hair gel by the bucketful. they tried on each other's $10,000 suits, admired each other's rings and necklaces. it was an intense camaraderie that felt completely natural to them. surveying the room, i couldn't help chuckling to myself; and i'm the gay one.  

in his book, amaechi reveals what has to be revealed.

and i'm excited to read it.

hats off to you, honcho!

*sparkles! 

i salute you! (notre edition)

i have always honored teachers. 

they are the people who truly are the movers and shakers of any land.

as such, i want to offer this entry to my teachers and to all members of the pedagogy for their infinite contribution to the world.

a list of the teachers and mentors who have touched my life:  

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mis-en-scene

the prolific writer, the great mentor, and the "suplado" member of the dlsu-com.arts faculty defined mis-en-scene in simple words, "It's what you put into a scene." 

creating a wonderfully-crafted scene in a film is of no easy task. a film creator needs a long-ranging vision to come-up with something that can be considered a classic.

on feb. 16, a day i'd never forget, tita marie–interestingly, not a film director–was able to create that mis-en-scene. when she brought back members of my batch to talk for the 3rd year career orientation. this event has always been the project of my h.s. alma mater's guidance office, which she leads for over a decade. 

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my affair…

and i finally realized it…

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hail the most beautiful

I've toiled just to have a hard copy of the transcription. 

It's been in my phone for quite a long time. it's a big file. i'm erasing it from my phone.  that's why i'm saving this eternally here.

voiceover (vo): hail the most beautiful…they reveal their secret to shine. 

gretchen (g): every morning, i shampoo…umaga pa lang, fabulous na.

ruffa (r): iba talaga eh, parang every strand is so healthy.

dawn (d): sobrang love ko…smelling it, touching it; and so does everyone else.

angel (a):  and how my hair shines? wow!

r: vain ba? wait 'til you've tried it. feeling dyosa ka rin!

g: obviously, i give extra effort in taking care of myself.

a: it's the pro-vitamin formula that makes the difference. that's why the hair shines more!

g: when your hair looks just perfect, you shine!

r: and when you shine, you know you can do anything!

d: only one can give all the shine that i need. that's pantene!

r: only patene.

a: siyempre, pantene.

g: always pantene.

vo: what do these most beautiful women have in common? they all love pantene. believe you can. shine.

(fade up music).

enjoy, grrlfiriends!

tee hee.

*sparkles! 

bowing out for the vow

marriage.

more than an event, it's a lifetime commitment–at least for the roman catholics.

as we advance to a more digitized world, this sacred vow has become more of a burden, a threat, and a commercial thing than an eternal promise between two people entwined by this so-called, love. 

years ago, i left a group of people who believes in this magical celebration of love.

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