the gold still shines

January 8, 2007

the golden rule still applies, particularly, tonight. 

last night , during our dinner, loi was about to spill (some) beans to me. suddenly, she opted to stop. she didn't want me to learn about it. she might, according to her, tell my mom or the person concerned. 

every time she does this kind of "i'll-reveal-something-oops-i-changed-my-mind-because-you-might-reveal-it" thing to me, it pisses me off. 

 

that's why last night, even after dinner, i started acting as if i were mad at him. she tried to talk to me. i refused. then, she asked for another chance…another chance to reveal whatever she wanted to tell me. it took us a couple of minutes…nothing happened. nothing was revealed. every time i gave her the opportunity, she would just keep on reminding me that, "Uy, dict, ha…wag mo sasabihin kay ate…wag mo tutuksuhin si jenchelle…"  i left her.

the day passed by. i didn't talk to her the entire day today.

i left for caren's.

>>fast forward>> @ caren's house

jackie: dict, did you greet, ate, last night?

my world stopped. 

thinking…thinking…then, it hit me. i failed to greet mommy ria–one of the most important figures in my life–on her birthday.

jackie: hala…lagot si dict. ate's mad. buti pa si caren, she remembered.

caren: yeah, i did. even if it was 1am. better late, than never.

i was in a foetal curl in the bed.

how could i forget that day???

how could i.

after hours of thinking where to eat.

me: let's eat out while waiting for their email.

caren: yipee!

 again, >>fast forward>>

jackie: ate's outside na. 

thinking..thinking…what should i do?

inside the car.

me: mommy ree…mommy ree…i'm so sorry…

ria: i'm not hearing anything. you're invisible…who's touching my legs… is there anyone beside you, ayi?

i pleaded, to no avail. and the "revolver" started. rataatat…taat…taat…

when ayi (he was driving the car) bade farewell…

ria: why don't you leave na rin?

ouch, i thought. but i knew, then, it was meant to be a joke. prior to that, we were texting non-stop re: robinsons. i started to keep quiet. guilt was overwhelming i wanted to puke.

at the promenade,

jackie: you guys go down na. and order for us. i'll park na lang. 

when i was trying to unbuckle,

ria: isama mo na si dict. 

again, ouch. this time more painful.  silence started to hover over me. i had no power to talk. what for?

inside gerry's grill. 

was i trying to be laconic or inarticulate or simply taciturn? wrong question.

where was that dict full of fun, kuwentos, and chisms? there he was. afraid to speak up.

i committed a sin of omission (what an irony!)

ria: dict, puwede namang magsalita, ah. 

i couldn't look straight at her.

>>fast forward>>

at starbucks…

jackie: what do you want?

me: nothing. i'm full.

jackie: ang arte mo, ha!

ria: ang arte mo nga, ah! go, order! 

me: i'm full, really. 

jackie: dalian mo! 

me: tall, greentea frap, without the whip.

jackie: okay, we got the card full.

me: wow! may planner na si jackie.

when she got it, and had it placed in a paperbag, which that rude guy didn't do (he just tossed the bag to jackie)…

jackie: oh, ayan, it's yours.

me: joking!

jackie: ano ba? ang arte mo ha! it's yours, nga, eh!

ria: since you forgot, ayan may gift ka sa amin. 

me: waaahhh… please don't do this to me. i don't deserve that. don't prolong my ordeal. (thinking: i'm gonna puke…) i'm soo guilty…

i ended up having the starbucks 2007 planner plus a buko-macapuno salad from the buenafe familia. 

i guess, mommy ria didn't mean whatever she said tonight. it was a joke. then again, jokes are half meant, aren't they? 

as i've written before, life works in mysterious ways–not to mention, in mischievous manners. i deserved that "almost-true-i-hate-you-but-actually-just-a-joke" treatment from mommy ria. at least i felt what loi is feeling right now (she's already sleeping, when i arrived). it's deplorable. 

truly, "don't do unto others what you don't want others do unto you."  

 

post script:

i've already asked mommy ria to condone my mistake (via email). as i end this entry, i haven't received any response yet.

 

*sparkles!