chasing calamities

(originally appeared august 23, 2004)

Amidst this bending-the-Berlin-wall hoo-ha, my Tiff best friend’s words stood firm and tall. “Great beauty comes great responsibility!” Nope, those are not his words; I just remembered that line. It’s neither Uncle Ben’s (of SpiderMan) line. Seriously, his words were, “Always remember, to stick to your roots.” And what did he mean by that? Simply put, try new things without the need to compromise your true self. How can that be? Sounds complicated? Yes. Difficult? Yes. Impossible? No.

True enough, the world [of dating] has marched forward, leaving me behind the Jurassic age. After staying within my own tribe and be ruled by a primitive attitude towards relationship, this 19^th-of-July-phenomena (a.k.a.: the Petezkig phenomenon) has indeed, allowed me to accept a more contemporary view on relationship (from flirting to a more serious and a more stable one). In a little over a month, my friends especially I witnessed and experienced tremendous changes in me. And as I belatedly marked my 1^st lunary, let’s recapitulate (thanks, Ms. Genders for this word) some of the highlights:

When I put down the first-ever piece of brick, I was put to an immediate test of the tides. Who will ever forget that feel-like-Mistress experience? For more than two weeks (am I still counting???), I have struggled to survive my defenselessness to that flirt tsunami. I may have had experienced some moments where I almost gave up, thanks to a part of my sane self, I was able to surpass the first high waves. (For the complete report of this, please refer to the previous episode, which discussed almost the same topic) Expect I did that more calamities would be along the way. And I wasn’t wrong.

I was about to destroy the second brick when I caught myself face-to-face with a typhoon—international name: George (with a degree in Pediatrics) at SM North-Annex. When Nixie warned me of the coming typhoon, I accepted the challenge to face it head-on. Everything went fast until I saw my fingers texting the words: Ok. Let’s meet at around 2pm. It was a mind-blowing experience. It was my first date; and it was a BLIND one. The typhoon has been lurking the earth’s atmosphere for over three decades. Needless to say (so, why say it?), I was extremely nervous. I was about to chicken out. Thanx to my very supportive BES and the ever-watchful eyes of Pink Soda security guard on-duty, I faced my greatest fear. It was fun playing under the rough waters of the typhoon. The connection was almost there. But it was just a friendly one. After that, typhoon George left the Philippine area of responsibility and went directly to Dubai. I told you, this typhoon is unbelievable that it can jump borders in a wink of an eye!

 A week after the typhoon left the country, another history-maker calamity arrived—the July twister—on early days of August. It was in the middle of the night when the twister swoop me on bed. It was a slow yet very precise move. After two bottles of alcoholic drinks, and unsuccessful check-out attempts, my body was shaking in itself when the twister made its own move. Since I needed a morale air-lift, I gave in. And there it was in the middle of a crowded and dimly-lit place (with grinding bodies in it), July-t and I sat on a ledge as we let our restless body savor the artificial yet strong wind (from the air-conditioning unit). Unfortunately, the time was faster than the twister. The twister left some traces. Because of these, I can map out his where-and-whatabouts. True enough, we stay connected for the next few days. Believe it or not, because of the July twister I got a VIP card in an end of the week party. Under neon-lighted roofs, I got the chance to meet some of the most flamboyant twisters in town. My mind got twisted when I receive no message right after that midnight encounter at Manila Pavilion. Probably, he doesn’t like me. Don’t get upset. Encounters (meaning dates) of that kind should serve as trial-and-error experiences. My dear across-the-Pacific friend, Oprah said a date should not be an indicative of who you are. If your date-mate doesn’t want you, it’s not the end of the world. S/he may not like you because you do not match whatever his/her preferences may be. But that doesn’t make you a person of less value. At least, I got the chance to meet new queer souls, who call themselves as the Bedan Becky. Actually, I added the word Bedan since their barkada studies in San Beda. As of press time, I haven’t heard what damages this twister has done to other territories. (Oops, I don’t mean that he had caused me some damages.)

Before I remove the first brick of my Berlin wall, I really did expect that I would be experiencing calamities of this kind. And I accepted that fact. So, to continue… let me give you a more recent ground-shaking event.

In the middle of flowing fingers across the air, I met the silencer—Paul. He is a hard of hearing type of a guy. His left ear can hardly hear while the other is totally shut down from nature and man’s deafening voices. I did not notice him at first; maybe I was still adjusting to the socio-cultural milieu. When my co-delta nu sisters were fixing our things at the top of the place, he went inside the room. Whew! Finally, in a herd of bitches, there was a bastard. We had a pep talk. And in the middle of the discussion, he told us how uncomfortable he was to the deaf-gay oldies (DG) because they kept on feasting on his big Ben. Poor boi! He experienced those things at such a young age! It was not a tough thing to accept why he was so disgusted to the queer in general.

I was and until now I am saddened by the fact that: while there are sane gays who keep on uplifting the status of the non-men-by-strict-definition in this very harsh society, there are those who will destroy that image by harassing innocent ones just to satisfy their promiscuousness.

Honestly, while I kept on thinking about my thesis, I couldn’t help but to think of ways for me to at least lessen (even just a little) his negative perception towards us. Let’s face it, deaf or not we are bonded by the same brand. I got the chance to talk to him more intimately. Not luckily, my delta-nu sisters’ eyebrows arched in the most bitchy level! They were thinking that I was fully booked (if you know the meaning, you’ll nod). I was not…really. Ok, ok I must admit that I was hooked by those laser eyes. But let’s put things into proper perspective. Anyone who would be in the company of old biatches would surely look for someone who could make him feel the Queen of the world. And I found that feeling when I was with him. So, why not capture those elusive moments? It was nice to be talking to someone straight and looked at your eyes directly. Actually, even if I was lost of words, he was still staring at me. He told me how kawai I am. I felt my hair were becoming to that of Rapunzel’s. I felt my nails were moving outwards. I felt I was Eve’s descendant.

I enjoyed that feeling where a straight guy—and I mean, someone who hasn’t have a tiff encounter—was [eagerly] longing for my company. Was I fooling myself that he was falling for me? Maybe. But a more accurate explanation why I loved that feeling—I was in control. Imagine, I have a face that could launch thousand ships (don’t get mad…it was he who told me that. I just rephrased it) and I was just one of the three hearing belle amidst a pool of old and deaf-mute. Simply put, I was a perfect catch. Whatever I would want him to do I could get a positive response from him. But I did not put into use that majica blanca. I respected him and so did he. That must be the major reason why he wanted to be with me the whole night. Plus, I was the only one who helped him pronounced things; I was the one who found out where his funny bone; and I was really nice to him. Don’t blame me if that guy fell for me…nah, just kidding! To sum this up, I did not harass him. But I did give that froshie what he wanted…I goodnight kiss from Paris.

In all the tests of nature that I have faced since I started bending the Berlin wall, there is one thing I have proven to myself. And that is, I have managed to maintain my values [and virginity] intact.