There were only two people to whom I immediately revealed my new "racket." They were Liz and Ooma. Certainly, they share the same excitement with me. As usual, Liz even offered her car (and her driver) to me. In an instant, I had my car service going to and coming from GMA New Media office. Ooma, although late, sent me a text message of his suggestion of what I must answer in the given topic. They were very supportive of me, to say the least.

Speak Out is the title of this new show, i think. But if I’m wrong, I think this is the title of the segment itself. I am one of the four people who will be part of the segment where we speak our mind on a certain topic. In this case, the main topic is: The enforcement of the English language to the Filipino youth. By the way, this will be aired over GMA’s text tube—a very late-at-night show or filler of the network. If my prediction is correct, the show will be the nemesis of ABS-CBN’s Youth Speak.

The night before the taping, I couldn’t sleep. Was it the nerve? Was it the excitement? Around 0330am, I finally opened my eyes. I was really composing in my mind the things that I would be saying during the shoot. When I checked my phone, it was just 0400 in the morning, one hour ahead of my schedule to wake up. At around 0415am I decided to take a bath. Inside the bathroom, I was rehearsing everything that I have composed earlier. This is my problem. I always choose an organized path. I’m not very spontaneous in things. This is a thing that differs me from my best friend—Miguel, who is very spontaneous in things. Even during the time when I was drying my hair in front of the fan I was speaking as if I were talking to a camera. This was funny: I had a hard time wearing my t-shirt because of my braided hair. I couldn’t wear it as fast as I could because it would surely ruin the braids of my hair. After an hour and a half of preparation, I dashed off to McDonald’s-Taft to meet up with Liz.

When I texted Liz that I was already at McDonald’s, she was surprised. She was expecting me to be late…as usual. I had a big breakfast meal at McDo while waiting for Liz. Through text, she requested me to order her a big breakfast meal. We didn't want to waste any  time. After our breakfast, we hurried to her office to drop off some things. After checking some documents, she accompanied me to GMA-7. When a member of the production crew, asked me to step in for we were about to start the briefing of the talents, she then decided to leave. Inside the meeting room, there were only few people: four very extrovert members of the Dulaang UP, two make-up artists, Pabsy (who was late), another girl who was doing the briefing, and I. The four students from UP would be appearing to another segment of the same show—an urban legend effect, that is. After the briefing, the four of them practiced their lines, while I had my make-up done.

Those were really awkward moments. I couldn’t equal the “hyperness” of the UP students because I was trying to tame down my real character. Actually, I was not just taming my character, I was virtually hiding it. Honestly because I was afraid. Although most people say that I do not need to act, I keep on using this not-really-too-gay-but-hey-I’m-queer mask. I am, metaphorically typing, a walking ice cube where people can see through me. If I opt to “hide” who I am, that will really be a bigger-than-life problem simply because, I cannot do it.

In my q-world where people continuously say to me that hiding my true character is a useless and senseless thing to do, is my acting (every time I meet new people) really worthless? 

Not at all, I must say. In very, very isolated cases, I was successful in my acting; people were really clueless that in fact I’m a Tiffany—that Audrey Hepburn’s blood runs in me. I think a more compelling question will be, what do I get in these for-not-broadcast acting, if later, I’ll be revealing who I am?

After the make-up, I was accompanied by Pabsy outside the office for the shooting of my part. There were only two people with us, the cameramen and his assistant. As expected, my sweat glands were working big time—giving another equally spectacular performance as what they’ve given during Cielo’s debut. To be fair with my sweat glands, it really was scorching hot. I really could feel every ray of the sun pricking each pore of my skin.

I had a successful performance. But when Pabsy told me to react to other issues (it was about broken family), my mind went literally broken. As what I’ve mentioned earlier I always choose an organized path. I was really taken aback. So there I was, urging each brain cells to work and collect each piece of in-stored knowledge about broken family. For goodness sake, I haven’t been in a broken family; although it’s an issue that is close to me (thanks to my eldest brother!). After the unexpected texter—Pabsy—gave me an unexpected blow, she hit me with another. I must react yet another issue: premarital sex. Once again, my mind went wild. Thanks to my skull, my brain did not pop out of my head. Please let me explain my side. I can really react on things in an instant. However, it’s not just my glass of milk to speak right there and then. It’s not just my thing. I think this is the third time that I’ll be saying this: I always pick the organized way—in writing, in speaking, in production…but not in fashion.

After finishing a roll of toilet paper (Pabsy just kept on dabbing the tissue on my fountain face), I just received another blow. This time, she required me to speak on the issue of illegitimate child. After a split second research in my data bank, I was really clueless of what to say. I have nothing to say regarding illegitimate child. But I had to say something. To wrap up what I said (brace yourself!): just be good to them, after all, babalik din sa inyo yung kabutihang ginawa niyo! Eeeeooww! I was about to vomit. I was about to believe that I’m Ms. Blonde—Elle Woods personified!

The last part of the shoot was my favorite. Since they will be adapting the Brady Bunch’s style of editing—those with quadrants (I know Brady Bunch’s fans can relate to this)—I must let loose my acting prowess.

Look in front! Think that you’re agreeing with what he is saying…

Look at your left side…ok…ok…after three seconds…cut!

Tilt your head in a diagonal position…you’re thinking…go wild!

Pose…model look!

I lied. It was not the last part. There was another one. They gave me a set of lines, which they’ve prepared earlier. Hard to explain…I’ll give you some examples:

Wow! Let’s give them a big hand of applause!

Been there. Been that!

Hush now, little angel! Big angel is here -à Oh, my!

This was not included. It’s Melanie’s line. Sorry…

After my hot, hot shoot, I went upstairs. We waited for our food. But I must leave. Mang Ben—the driver—was already waiting for me. I just snatched the food, and of course, my payment—a 500 peso worth of GC from Starbucks, then I left. It was another experience of working in a limelight. I had fun. Period.

Choosing the organized way has given me a lot of benefits. After analyzing everything, this might be one of the major reasons why I always opted for a non-spontaneous path. I notice, when Pabsy gave me the surprise issue—to which I must react—my voice went the different way. Comparing my voice when I was telling my argument on the main issue, I was speaking the broadcaster way. But when it was time to speak my mind about the succeeding issues, there was a touch of Tiffany-ness in my voice.

Remember, aside from the “reel acting” that I was doing, I was “really acting” because I was hiding my true Tiff persona. If I'm conscious in everything, there’s a high possibility that I can tone down my very queer self. And taming it, as what the not-super-queer friends of mine have told me, can be very beneficial. As of this very moment, I’m still waiting to reap those benefits. I really hope that this will be a gold mine and not a land mine. What scares me the most is that other people might misinterpret what I’m doing. I just hope this “acting” will not backfire. I also hope that someday, I’ll have that bravery that Miguel has. The bravery to fully—and I mean fully—accept one’s self and be proud of one’s sexuality.